Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
my poor anus
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
