and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
