this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
