Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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