There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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