I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
