I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
