I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
