I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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