if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
