I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FUCK WHALES
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
