I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
