i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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