Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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