Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
