we have officially mastered the walk of shame
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
