Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Sext me about skeletons
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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