I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize