He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize