i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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