I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
