i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there was a trapeze. enough said
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
