i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
