i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
