I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
