Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
