these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
