So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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