Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
