his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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