Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
