remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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