im about as happy as oj after his trial
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
