I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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