That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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