Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
she told me i tasted like america
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize