Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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