Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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