She's JV to your varsity
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
