just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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