I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
