yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
