p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
