i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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