WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize