If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
