Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
