Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
