just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
