i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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