If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
