Say something about gay babies.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
How does one acquire holy water?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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