The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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