Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
