just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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