Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
