I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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