your parents love me but you hate me
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
