I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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