Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
