maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
