he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
