There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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