So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
