Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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