Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
