I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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