Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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