he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
3 2 1 whiskey
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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