so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
