I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize