Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
